The Basket of Truth

The basket is asymmetrical and looks different from every angle.
Each observer is convinced by the truth of their view.
Imagine the basket is the physical embodiment of the truth.

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We believe our recollection of the truth is right, because we saw and experienced it and the challenging, contrary memory of others feels like an outrage. So people have genuine conflicting beliefs about the past, about whose fault it was, who said and did what.

The process of the Law collects evidence about these truths, to decide which is right and the apparent or real truth wins, who knows if it is always right? The process of Mediation shows people they each can have their beliefs – they will anyway. However, they need to resolve the conflict about their differing understandings of events in order to shape an outcome together that they can both live with.

We should always start with the end in mind. Where there is disagreement, usually agreement eventually follows, in order to bring matters to an end. We need to end with a settlement that lets people move on with their lives.

So we should not automatically first embark on a process (the Law) that makes out each most extreme position first, as that positional bargaining drives people further apart and makes them enemies in a fight, instead of people with a shared interest in an early and affordable resolution.

If you feel angry or upset that someone does not understand events or even the world as you perceive it, persuading them may not work. You may have to agree to differ and negotiate a way forward together. A mediator will help you do that. That, in a nutshell is the spirit of mediation.

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