Everything, says Mary at Focus Mediation. First, lets us look at the meaning of Love, as expressed by Louis de Bernières in Captain Corelli’s Mandolin:
“Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being “in love” which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and
this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love have roots that grow towards each other
underground, and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their
branches, they find that they are one tree and not two.”
As a mediator I see the anger and pain caused when couples are separating their roots. Everyone has roots. If you are in a relationship, you will be entwined to some degree. Even if emotionally you have grown apart, there are still the family ties, the social, financial bonds and your home. Separating is hard, and even when it is right for you – but especially if you don’t want to end the relationship, it needs to be done with sensitivity and care. Teasing the roots apart carefully, mindfully and with the help of a mediator, is faster, more affordable – and vitally causes far less damage to people and their children, than chain-sawing away via the courts or the tussles of positional bargaining through lawyers. Think about it.