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Mediation: Oxford Divorce Stress Buster

Oxford house prices were quoted in the Oxford Times recently as the highest in the UK apart from London. This places extra stress on separating couples who now need two places to live instead of one, but it doesn’t look affordable

January and February are tough months for everybody. They’re especially tough if you have just worked through a strained Christmas and decided that you can’t hold your marriage together any longer: you’ve decided to separate. The year ahead looks impossible. Were will you each live? How will you share the children? Talking has become dangerous. Rows erupt, important issues are no-go areas, communication is at an all-time low, along with your spirits.

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Mediation with Focus Mediation in Oxford is designed to cope with all this stress. It is run by Caroline Friend, who lives near Oxford, she understands Oxford problems and has helped many local people with all the same issues you are now facing. You might do well to stand on the shoulders of those who have gone this way before you.

You start by coming to a MIAM: a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. This is time spent alone with your Focus mediator, who will listen to your story and then explain the process of divorce and of how mediation works in detail. Then the joint sessions start, spaced to suit you, your timetables and your budgets. Mediation gives you a safe, neutral environment in which you can tackle your impossible problems.

Sally thought she and Jo were putting their marriage back on track, and was deeply shocked when Jo chose the week before Christmas to announce he was filing for divorce. The next two weeks were grim: you could cut the atmosphere at home with a knife. However, once the mediator had seen them both, they could get a handle on what they needed to do: a session looking at their income and outgoings, so as to work out what rent Jo could afford, and time spent working out a child-care pattern that both parents felt comfortable with: it wasn’t ideal – not seeing your children every day will never be that – but it respected the children’s needs and gave both parents plenty of time with them. All that was completed in two weeks and reduced the stress considerably.

A couple more sessions dealt with the bigger picture of the house and how to share the equity in it. The mediator encouraged both parents to put the children’s stability first, and helped them take difficult decisions in the light of current court practice. She helped them identify any maintenance that would be appropriate, and dealt with any disparity in their pensions. Even more importantly, they established ways of communicating with each other to make arrangements for the children without quarrelling.

Focus Mediation is there to help. It might make all the difference to your new year.

House prices, Living Standards and Separating in London

Londoners are considered to enjoy to most affluent living standards in the UK. With salaries above the national average and house prices considered to be out of reach of those not already on the London property ladder, might be less fraught.

The reality however can be far from that. London house prices are out of kilter with the rest of the UK. The Evening Standard reported recently house price increases of 18.8 per cent in the last year and that is on prices already massively higher than anywhere else in the country. When a couple is considering what to do with their family home and where they can both live if they split up, ever rising house prices make it difficult for them just to agree a valuation. What may be accurate at the start of their separation can within a matter of months have changed out of all recognition if the market has risen madly.

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London Focus Mediators are aware of the particular difficulties facing London couples and will help both parties throughout their mediation face the tricky issues specifically relating to living in London.

It is of note that whilst house prices are higher than anywhere else in the UK the Evening Standard goes on to report there is an increasing crunch on London family budgets.

“The fall in average London pay is likely to be caused partly by smaller City bonuses, and cuts in the number of relatively well paid managers in the public sector.”

November 2014 figures suggested the era of falling real wages since the banking crisis may finally be ending, with pay just starting to outpace inflation.  But today Matthew Whittaker, chief economist at the Resolution Foundation think tank, said that in real terms wages were at the same level as in 2000.

“Today’s bleak figures contrast with signs last week that the UK’s six-year pay squeeze was coming to an end,” he added.  “While the [new] data relates to April — a period in which we already knew pay was falling— the depth of decline highlights just how tentative any recent recovery remains.”

Faced with these economic peculiarities, It is key to work with a mediator in touch with the problems facing Londoners. The process of mediation allows such issues to be flagged up at the outset and dealt with in a controlled and professional way, helping separating couples to set their agenda and deal with the particular issues affecting them and their family.

For more information or to contact us CLICK HERE

Financial Settlements on Family Breakdown – How to Get it Done.

Mediators and lawyers have their own role to play in helping you to reach decisions following on from your separation.  Most of the hard work is done by you both during the mediation sessions.  The two of you will discuss the issues that need to be resolved, with the help of the mediator.  The mediator is there to help you to communicate in a constructive way while your respective lawyers will help you individually by advising you about the proposals.   They can then translate the settlement proposals into a legally binding agreement or submit it to the court for the court’s approval.

An out of court settlement is something you often hear about.  It is a settlement that is often reached within the mediation process.  It can then be endorsed and approved by the court to make it legally binding.

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For a financial settlement to be binding it is important that both of you disclose to each other your respective financial positions.   This would be the same whether your settlement was reached through mediation, through solicitors or through court.  You cannot come to an agreement if you don’t know what the assets and incomes are.  This process is called full financial disclosure.  You are then able to have discussions and negotiate a settlement   Even in court most settlements are reached through discussion and negotiation rather than the Judge making your decisions for you.  In mediation, you can go straight to those discussions after the financial disclosure stage, without waiting for the court to give you appointments and paying for costly court fees, and solicitors’ and barristers’ costs.

Just because you and your ex can’t communicate doesn’t mean that you have to go to court.  Mediation can help you look at how your relationship can be improved to enable you to resolve your issues, particularly communication.  You can become more co-operative and make your own decisions together.  The benefit of mediation is that it is the two of you who will be making the decisions about you and your children, rather than having a Judge decide what is best for your future.

Do you think that you will be better able to communicate if you have solicitors writing letters between you?  No, I suspect not too.  Often what you said and what you meant can get misunderstood or blurred by using a third party.  The advantage of mediation is that you are both putting forward your views and the other can listen and respond at the time, not 2 or 3 weeks later.  The mediator can help by translating and clarifying if necessary.  Then, in a constructive and problem-solving way you talk through the options and work out what is best for your separated family. Then you do it, job done!

Important stages in family break-down

Understanding where you are on the journey makes finding your way easier

Usually, one half of the couple initiates the split. They may well have been thinking about the future of the relationship for some time, usually not saying anything to their partner, in case they were wrong and not wanting to make it worse, until they were sure.  When they break the news to their partner that the relationship is over, it means the other person has a lot of emotional catching up to do. Immediately you have the problem of two people being in completely different emotional stages on the grieving cycle. When we mediate for such couples, it is difficult to go fast enough for one or slow enough for the other. It is unhelpful to say things like ‘it’s over, get over it’. There isn’t a get over it switch! Then add to the mix other people, children, friends and family, then the cast of possible professionals who might help, and you are set for a busy time.

 

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So here is the timetable:

    • One partner decides relationship is over, this may have taken then years to decide

 

    • Tells partner

 

    • Period of shock and recriminations – 52 card pick-up

 

    • Partner needs time to adjust to the idea, is often unstable and upset. They have to work through the grieving cycle, so denial, anger, blame, crying, depression, moving on eventually to recovery, acceptance, moving on

 

    • Telling children and extended family and friends makes it real and retraction becomes increasingly unlikely

 

    • Children start on their own cycle of loss and grief

 

    • Couple considers how to sort it out. May seek help from doctors, counsellors, solicitors, mediators.

 

    • Couple may be confused about resolution options, timescale and comparative costs

 

    • Couple may be afraid if they don’t ‘get tough’ they may lose out

 

 

    • Adjustment to separation brings calmer consideration of less nuclear options for sorting out the  future

 

    • Some couples can agree much themselves, some can’t agree anything

 

 

    • Couple chooses resolution option that feels best to them and starts it

 

    • Some change their minds, e.g. Start court proceedings then mediate or vice versa

 

 

However people sort things out, it does take some time. This is partly emotional recovery time and partly the time taken by the chosen route to resolution. The fact is that mediation is by far the fastest and most cost effective process for sorting out separation and divorce and therefore it makes sense to use it first and only choose more expensive and adversarial options if you have to.

 

Make it better not worse – mediate first.

 

Lots of new enforcement rules for the new Child Maintenance Service, so why did they drop the word “Enforcement” from its name?

The Child Support Agency (CSA) will close and is being replaced by the Child Maintenance Service – but they’ve dropped the words “and Enforcement” from its title – because that’s what it will do. So we can’t say what it’s to do on the tin, it might upset people! There will be changes to the child support calculation. The old basic formula (15% of the paying parent’s net income for one child, 20% for two and 25% for three or more children) is being replaced by rather less memorable percentages of the gross income.

 

  1. There will be a £20 application fee and collection charges. There will be additional charges if the child maintenance service has to collect money from the paying parent and that will be 20% on top of the child maintenance amount and the receiving parent will have their maintenance reduced by 4%, so those are quite significant payments, particularly for the paying parent.  However, if you make the arrangements for payment direct between you these charges do not apply, so it’s very much in everyone’s interest to avoid using the CMS if they can.

 

  1. Transfer of CSA cases to CMS. Over the next few years everyone using the CSA will have their cases closed, so once the new service is working well, parents will be given six months notice their CSA cases are closing and you then have the option of applying to the CMS if you need to BUT you can always contact out and a agree yourselves direct.

 

  1. CSA Arrears. If you’ve got to arrears of maintenance of the CSA those stand and they can still be enforced, so they’re not going to disappear, but you may have the same problems you’ve got now – though the CMS and can help setting up and collecting maintenance and its new powers are likely to make it very effective at this.

 

  1. HMRC to tell CMS paying parent’s income  Perhaps the most effective change is that the CMS will use information from Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs (HMRC) to access information about the income of the  paying parent’s income and this will be checked with HMRC each year to make sure the calculation is still correct. This is a really practical development, as previously some people who might not want to defraud the HMRC,  might still play games with the CSA, now they can’t.

 

  1. Family-Based Arrangements – DIY  Before you can apply to the CMS you will speak to the Child Maintenance Options Service to talk about whether you can make a Family-Based Arrangements instead. Although they will try and encourage you to make your own arrangements where possible (as this will save the CMS money) you can apply to the CMS.

 

  1. Process If you apply the CMS will contact HMRC and find out the paying parent’s income, then using information given to them by the parent with whom the children live – the CMS will just assess the paying parent and tell them what to pay.  This information includes how many children are in each household and how many overnight stays the children have with the paying parent.  HMRC will use people’s National Insurance numbers to try and find them if they have disappeared, so it should be harder to escape paying.

 

  1. Once the maintenance is calculated there are two payment options:
  • Direct pay, where the calculation is done but  you sort it out between yourselves
  • Collect and Pay, where the CMS will collect the money from the paying parent and can enforce arrears, but charge you.

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The CMS calculates child maintenance using the paying parent’s gross income before deductions, to work out the payment – previously pension contributions tax and national insurance could be deducted. Other income such as interest on savings, income from a company, or on rental property is ignored in the initial calculations. Assets such as savings and property are also ignored. If the paying parent has other income or savings you can ask the standard child maintenance calculation to be varied so that these are taken into account. An important note – income of the paying parent’s partner is not included in the calculation, never has been, no change. Details of special rules are beyond the remit of this article.

 

The rates; there are different rates of child maintenance depending on the paying parent’s income.

 

There are nil, flat and reduced rates for none or low income parents, but for most parents paying maintenance the situation is set out below:

 

  • The basic rate of child maintenance: the paying parent pays the basic rate if none of the other rates apply. It’s a percentage of the paying parent’s gross income calculated in two stages:
  • Stage one –  the paying parent’s gross income is reduced depending on the number of children living with them, if any, this includes the children of the new partner living with them.

So –  Stage one example:

If there’s one child living with the paying parent the percentage gross income is reduced by 11%  two children  it’s 14% reduction and three or more it’s a 16% reduction.

  • Stage two

Maintenance is a percentage of the amount left from the gross income after any deductions are made in stage one. The percentage depends on the number of children that need to be paid for. The amount is rounded to the nearest pound.

 

Number of children applied for Percentage of gross income up to £800 Percentage of gross income over £800
One 12% 9%
Two 16% 12%
Three or more children 19% 15%

 

If you share care of your child – and this does mean overnight stays – then the child maintenance award can be reduced by a seventh if on average of the child or children spends 52 -103 nights of the year with the paying parent, and so on and so forth.

If the paying parent has other children they don’t live with from another relationship, then that will reduce the amount of maintenance paid to both families.

 

Useful sources of information:

www.gov.uk/child-maintenance                 There is an online calculator

 

Remember if you are or have been married there may be spousal maintenance due in addition, so worrying overmuch about the CMS may be pointless.

 

Enforcement:

 

The CMS has a range of potentially draconian powers to enforce payment – they can:

  • Take money directly from your earnings.
  • Take money directly from your bank, building society and post office accounts
  • Use enforcement powers through the courts to get  child maintenance paid and
  • Get orders you pay these court costs as well
  • This can affect your credit rating and make it difficult to get loans or mortgages
  • The CMS can apply to court for a Liability Order and then
  • Send bailiffs to go to your home and seize belongings
  • Put a charge against your property or other assets so you can’t sell or re-mortgage
  • Force the sale of your property or assets
  • Take away your driving licence and
  • Send you to prison.

 

If people try to avoid paying child maintenance by giving the wrong information or none, or don’t tell CMS their circumstances have changed or have disposed of assets so they can’t enforce maintenance – there is a long list of rules getting tough evasion and collection action. There may be some rather sad cases, especially if they get it wrong.

 

What are the changes intended to achieve?

 

The gargantuan cost of the CSA has been out of all proportion to the value of maintenance it collected. It has struggled to get it right and to collect money from determined non payers. The changes are intended to bring about a huge change as follows:

  1. Reduce the costs to the tax payer of collecting child maintenance
  2. Increase accuracy of assessment by using HMRC information about income
  3. Collect more child maintenance with better enforcement powers
  4. Make people see they will have to pay so
  5. They calculate the payments themselves and pay without using the CMS, so see 1 above!

 

Will it work? Probably in most cases . . . . but we shall see what effect the Law of Unintended Consequences has this time. . . ..

Fighting Over Nothing

When is disagreement about something and when is it about nothing?

Perhaps it may help to rephrase that… Often conflict causes disagreements about not very much or even nothing at all! The problem is the conflict, not the issue.  We see this all the time in mediation. It’s why mediation is so much better at resolving disputes than litigation. The legal system can only deal with the legal basis of disagreements, even if there isn’t really a legal basis, it cannot help with the non legal conflict drivers, even when that is the problem that needs sorting out.

Let’s look at a typical example. Two children are deeply jealous of their mother’s attention for the other child.  They grow up and courteously dislike each other. They always compete for parental time and attention and resent the time the mother spends with their sibling. If challenged they would deny this, but the conflict is deeply embedded in their sub conscious minds, it will never go away and informs all their exchanges in relation to their mother. That mother becomes ill and develops Dementia. One of them starts to look after her. The other has difficulty seeing the mother and is sometimes denied access. There are huge control issues and a legal dispute may well emerge. On the face of it that dispute will be about the Power of Attorney, who controls the mother’s money or makes decisions about her health and welfare. There may be a dispute about her jewellery all the terms of her Will, whether she had capacity to make the Will or Power of Attorney, particularly if it favours one sibling over the other. Was it fair, was it right or was undue influence brought to bear on the elderly parent?

In reality, assessing the capacity of someone with dementia is notoriously difficult, as it comes and goes. So legal proceedings on this can be fraught with difficulty and be a bit of a gamble. Also, the dispute originates in the sibling relationship and entrenched conflict. The legal dispute is an expression of that. Hence settling that litigation will be really hard, because it isn’t just about the legal rights and wrongs. Costs will mount and relationships worsen and all the time the cure would be mediation. Mediation is the medicine that reaches the parts litigation can’t reach. Mediation deals with the root cause, not the symptoms. Litigation in cases like this is akin to amputation for an infection. Treat the infection and you may well preserve something precious and save great suffering and stress. Litigate and the losses can be incalculable. It certainly rarely improves the situation!

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It’s the same in the workplace, in the work team. If people can’t get along they quarrel and precious work time and energy is wasted in their conflict.  If the the conflict is bad enough then stalemate can result, paralysing your business. Yet the reason you may have recruited two very different people and asked them to work together may be good.  They may have a complimentary skills and you want to stop the conflict between them and harness their different skills to produce useful outcomes for your business. The legal remedy is disciplinary or grievance procedures and finally termination or redundancy. This is an incredibly expensive gamble and diverts you and your team from what you want to be doing – running the business. A workplace mediator can often help teams work together, solving your problem so amputation isn’t necessary.

So when you seem to have an intractable problem between people, ask yourself is it ‘them’ or the presenting issue? If you solve this issue, will there always be something else? Might a chat with a mediator be the most use to you?
You have nothing to lose and quite a lot to gain.

The Children and Families Act 2014 – Family Law is Changing

Heralded as the biggest change to the family law system in a generation, will today’s changes to the family legal system make any difference to real families? Certainly, shortening the time taken   for important cases about children in care to be decided by the courts will be a big improvement.  Children caught up in the care system were previously waiting over a year for their cases to be decided, which is far too long and very bad for those children’s happiness and life chances. The new time limit for a decision will be six months, a great improvement.

 

However, what about the majority of the families needing help sorting things out? For most families some of the changes are more apparent than real. Arguments over arrangements for the children are not likely to improve because people are supposed to avoid the words ‘residence’ and ‘contact’, just as they didn’t change when we swapped the words ‘custody’ and ‘access’ for ‘residence’ and ‘contact’. The issue of who the children live with when is still a thorny one and changing the words to ‘child arrangements’ makes little difference. Other than that, there is a change to a theoretical single family court, but again, this means that cases can be allocated to the county court where there are professional judges or the magistrates where there are lay (but trained) magistrates – but both will now be called the “Family Court”.  Will this make a huge material difference to court users given the decision-makers and buildings will be the same as before the name changed to “Family Court” remains to be seen!  There will still be the High Court for cases needed high court adjudication.  Some cases that would previously have been decided by a judge may be heard by a magistrate – but it will all be the “Family Court” so that’s all right then!

 

People who can afford it may feel increasingly inclined to pay for private adjudication by a family law expert in the field, to ensure the quality of the decision – this is called arbitration and might produce a dual system of private justice completely outside the state court system. It would save government money, but create a dual system for the haves and have-nots. There could be an issue over the quality of the decisions and interpretation of the law, if many complex and difficult cases are decided by non family law experts.

 

Against this background family mediation looks like a very sane and sensible option.  An experienced, qualified mediator helps a couple to make their own arrangements for their children and settle their own financial settlement.  The impartial mediator gives relevant legal information to help decision-making and the couple know what they are agreeing to. It is a fast affordable alternative to the vagaries of the court system and at least now people have to hear about mediation properly from a mediator.  Couples share the cost of the mediator and pay nothing if they qualify for legal aid, whereas there is no legal aid for most family law work any more, there is for family mediation. If couples don’t mediate they have to pay the whole costs of their separate lawyers, instead of share the cost of their mediation.  Before anyone can bring a court application they will mostly now have to hear about mediation before they can apply to court. This last change is one of the most sensible changes the new Act brings in and it is long overdue. Court fees are expensive and rising –  pointless if unnecessary. People will now be given a real choice and awareness of the options for sorting out their settlement and arrangements without using the conventional legal and court route. Mediation is the prime alternative and mediators can now explain it to couples properly, instead of people assuming it’s unsuitable for them or not even realising it exists and that legal aid still exists to help them mediate.

 

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The Children and Families Act comes into force on 22nd of April 2014

For the first time it requires would be applicants to court to hear about mediation and how it might be able to help them, before making their court application. This simply gives them a choice of court or mediation before they embark on the court route. As such it is a useful intervention. This meeting is fast becoming known as a ‘mediation awareness meeting’ – its formal name is the Mediation Intake Assessment Meeting or MIAM.  A qualified mediator will simply tell couples about mediation and the alternatives to court adjudication.
This is greatly needed, as put simply, if mediators don’t tell people about how mediation may help them, mostly people do not understand it and don’t try mediation. Before the compulsory referral to hear about mediation from a mediator in 1999, there were only a few hundred mediations a year. After legal aid applicants had to hear about mediation from a mediator in 1999, this rose to about 13,500 mediations a year and it has stayed about the same every year until last May, when all compulsory referrals to a mediator for mediation assessment stopped along with the abolition of legal aid for family cases. Then couples unaware of mediation simply went straight to court and the number of court applications has increased massively everywhere, with many fewer mediations taking place. The fact is, in many cases lawyers do not sell mediation; they are more likely to sell legal services and to negotiate the case in a conventional positional way. This increase in adversarial resolution is bad for families, turning them into opponents in what is often an expensive, long drawn out ping pong of letters and or court hearings.

 

Compulsory mediation awareness meetings do not mean compulsory mediation, but many people will choose to go on to mediate and save themselves and their families a great deal of time, money and avoidable stress. If some family lawyers don’t like it, and it is only some lawyers, we have to ask why are they so worried about people simply hearing what mediation has to offer? These people don’t have to mediate and no one is saying people should not hear about legal resolution methods. If people need to go to court, they can still go to court, if they want lawyers to write letters then they can pay for that, but a tiny proportion of cases do actually get decided by a judge, so deciding them even earlier in mediation seems like a good idea to most people.

 

The reality is that in most disputes over children, the worst thing that can happen to a family is a brutal fight over the children, replete with welfare reports, adversarial arguments and adjudication or shuttle diplomacy between lawyers at court, cobbling something together under immense pressure and making that into an order. A series of mediation sessions over a few weeks or months with changes being introduced and reviewed, improvements made and children’s views taken on board where possible, is just so much better for most families.

 

Where property and finance issues are concerned, mediation has a massively important role to play in resolving settlements fast and at proportionate cost. How much do you think should be spent on legal fees for resolving a financial settlement on divorce? Should it be 10% or 20% or some other proportion of the overall value of the family pot?  This is the thorny problem the courts are not addressing. There is a court rule that the legal costs must be proportionate to the value of a dispute. This is universally ignored, as it seems to convey no meaning to the judges or the legal representatives. It is common for the costs to be a third or half or even more of the value of the dispute – where is the sense in that? If you bear in mind that in most family cases, unless it’s a very short marriage or there’s a pre-nup., there is a starting point or yardstick of equal division of the assets, then the value of the dispute is probably no more than between 10% to 25% of the overall pot. Legal costs frequently exceed 10% to 25% of the value of the family pot. How can that to be regarded as proportionate to the value of the dispute? It isn’t proportionate at all.

 

So, in a nutshell, the changes with regard to compulsory mediation assessment meetings brought in by the Children and Families Act are mostly welcome and long overdue.  Compulsory mediation meetings before court applications can be made will enable a significant number of families to avoid court proceedings and expensive legal costs by choosing mediation, once they know how it can help them. Previously they often simply issued proceedings and the legal route was the default option. Now a real choice is being offered and it is up to mediators and lawyers alike to help couples make the best choice for their family, taking into account everything relevant to the family.  It is the couple that matters most and finding the best way forward for them, not what matters to the lawyer or the mediator – each trying to sell the service they prefer to sell. The family is at the heart of separation and divorce, how they sort out their arrangements, which process they use should be an informed decision they take and the advent of mediation assessment will help ensure public awareness of mediation when they need it most.  This is needed simply because without it as we have seen, people do not know about mediation or find out about it until it is too late.  There has to be a compulsory  mediation awareness stage  as once people have started going down the court route, mediation referral can be a bit late for many of them to gain the most benefit in terms of the expense, stress and delays of court proceedings.

Setting out the Finances

3 Easy steps to setting out the finances

  1. Honesty
  2. Form E
  3. Summary

If you are separating or divorcing, you will want to understand the legal framework relevant to your situation, but one cannot advise you until it is clear what assets there are.  So, any process to resolve a financial settlement on divorce starts with identifying then valuing the assets. You must supply information and paperwork showing the value of all the assets, the house, the savings, the debts and the value of the pensions and your income.   This is called ‘disclosure’ and the law says this has to be ‘full and frank.’

If you seek legal advice first, your lawyers will often complete disclosure for you – two of them preparing it for each of you then exchanging it and asking questions about anything unclear. If you mediate disclosure, then the mediator does the disclosure with you both together – this is quicker and costs less and again questions can be asked and answered.
The mediator can draft a summary of your financial information so you can take legal advice on options.

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Honesty

It is not an option to decide an asset is out of it and does not need to be valued; no one can proceed on that basis.  Any agreement needs to be binding.  That either means a Separation Agreement or a Court Order in a divorce.  For these to be binding there has to have been full disclosure and, at Court a Judge has to have a Statement of Information with a complete summary of all the assets and what they are worth, nothing can be omitted, or the agreement could be overturned.

Form E

At Focus Mediation we will work with you so that your Form E (the form that your solicitors and the court would want to see) is complete. We go through the process of disclosure and produce figures to work from. This can be done by two solicitors over a few months (court proceedings take over a year), but in mediation you can each see and hear and understand the financial position at the same time and the mediator helps you with suggestions and information.

Open Financial Summary

The mediator as part of the mediation process will prepare a summary of your background, your family assets and income, which can be used as the foundation for your binding agreement. If you seek legal advice you can show this to your solicitor and ask for a realistic assessment of the likely range of possibilities at court. If you both do this and bring your advice to mediation, there should be an overlap where you can compromise. Your Focus mediator will help you both to focus on realistic, affordable and practical options, so that you can reach an acceptable outcome which meets your and the children’s needs for the future.

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